I'm not a mother first

"Heart bursting leprechaun" ---Ummm... I had the idea for this post in the middle of the night and decided to make a draft of it so I didn't forget. This line was all I found when I opened it up again and I'm not at all sure what it means. I have no idea how leprechauns factor into this post, but maybe it will come back to me again while I start writing. If not, I'll go eat some Lucky Charms, I guess...?

Anyway. As anyone who has been around me lately can tell you --- whether that is in person, or over some social media finagled go-go-gadget like the facebook or the instragram --- I LOVES this whole new parenting gig. It's better than chocolate, better than that other thing (which is funny, get it, because that's what lead to the parenting...?), and GODDESS even better than Coke and Buffy (and I love me my Coke and Buffy). This has been the most thrilling, exciting, magickal, awe-inspiring best almost-5 months of my life and while Bean is growing up so fast, I am loving living in the moment with her and am sucking up the essence of this time when she is still such a teeny tiny person.

When I wasn't researching school stuff, I was researching house stuff, cool projects to do, things to make, etc. Now I research cloth diapers. And baby carriers. And which solids to start first. And how to make our co-sleeping arrangement even safer now that she's getting more mobile. And cloth diapers again. FOR HOURS. And it's actually FUN.

As one of my wonderful doulas said, "drop-in groups for parents and babies are basically there for you to talk about your baby. You talk about your baby, and then you wait patiently while half-listening to other parents talk about their baby, and you can't wait until they're done talking so you can talk about your baby some more."   ... Total.Truth. And I actually *do* try to be cognizant of the fact that not everyone wants to hear about your baby all the time, or see 10 basically-the-same pictures-but-with-a-slightly-different-angle-but-it-was-just-too-cute-not-to-include-in-the-facebook-album. But still, yeah... my brain is babyfied.

BUT as much as I am loving this mommyhood gig, I've also got to say: I'm Not A 'Mother First'.

I recently read an article on this subject (and same title) from Jessica Valenti:

"It’s understandable that some women would embrace motherhood as their primary and most important identity. When you have little power, you take it where you can. ...
Fathers are never expected to subsume their identity into parenthood the way that mothers are. If President Obama were to tell us that he is ’father-in-chief’ first, America would balk. How could a man be an effective president if he put the needs of his children above the needs of his country?
Yes, we are mothers and sisters and daughters and wives. We’re also much more. And declaring our individual importance as people and citizens does not diminish the depth of love we have for our children or the central role parenthood plays in our lives.
When we tout ourselves mothers first, women give those who would enshrine their dehumanization more firepower and assure that their domestic work will only ever be paid in thanks, not in policy or power. Until that changes, I’m a mother second."

So even with this mad-motherhood-love I've got swinging, I'm also a mother second. And I'd like to think that when Bean gets older, she will agree with that sentiment.