Picture Tuesday

"This is a song about that feeling that I think we all get sometimes... where you feel like you're the smallest doll in a babushka doll."

And because it's been that kind of day for me, I decided to upload some feel-good imagery. Even if you're not having that kind of day, maybe this will still make you feel good anyway. There's not enough "feel good" in the world, so let's add some more...

P.S. If you can think of a better title than my silly "Picture Tuesday" title above, let's hear it. Ideally, something with alliteration... like Twonie Tuesday, minus the chicken from KFC. :) 

I'm not a mother first

"Heart bursting leprechaun" ---Ummm... I had the idea for this post in the middle of the night and decided to make a draft of it so I didn't forget. This line was all I found when I opened it up again and I'm not at all sure what it means. I have no idea how leprechauns factor into this post, but maybe it will come back to me again while I start writing. If not, I'll go eat some Lucky Charms, I guess...?

Anyway. As anyone who has been around me lately can tell you --- whether that is in person, or over some social media finagled go-go-gadget like the facebook or the instragram --- I LOVES this whole new parenting gig. It's better than chocolate, better than that other thing (which is funny, get it, because that's what lead to the parenting...?), and GODDESS even better than Coke and Buffy (and I love me my Coke and Buffy). This has been the most thrilling, exciting, magickal, awe-inspiring best almost-5 months of my life and while Bean is growing up so fast, I am loving living in the moment with her and am sucking up the essence of this time when she is still such a teeny tiny person.

When I wasn't researching school stuff, I was researching house stuff, cool projects to do, things to make, etc. Now I research cloth diapers. And baby carriers. And which solids to start first. And how to make our co-sleeping arrangement even safer now that she's getting more mobile. And cloth diapers again. FOR HOURS. And it's actually FUN.

As one of my wonderful doulas said, "drop-in groups for parents and babies are basically there for you to talk about your baby. You talk about your baby, and then you wait patiently while half-listening to other parents talk about their baby, and you can't wait until they're done talking so you can talk about your baby some more."   ... Total.Truth. And I actually *do* try to be cognizant of the fact that not everyone wants to hear about your baby all the time, or see 10 basically-the-same pictures-but-with-a-slightly-different-angle-but-it-was-just-too-cute-not-to-include-in-the-facebook-album. But still, yeah... my brain is babyfied.

BUT as much as I am loving this mommyhood gig, I've also got to say: I'm Not A 'Mother First'.

I recently read an article on this subject (and same title) from Jessica Valenti:

"It’s understandable that some women would embrace motherhood as their primary and most important identity. When you have little power, you take it where you can. ...
Fathers are never expected to subsume their identity into parenthood the way that mothers are. If President Obama were to tell us that he is ’father-in-chief’ first, America would balk. How could a man be an effective president if he put the needs of his children above the needs of his country?
Yes, we are mothers and sisters and daughters and wives. We’re also much more. And declaring our individual importance as people and citizens does not diminish the depth of love we have for our children or the central role parenthood plays in our lives.
When we tout ourselves mothers first, women give those who would enshrine their dehumanization more firepower and assure that their domestic work will only ever be paid in thanks, not in policy or power. Until that changes, I’m a mother second."

So even with this mad-motherhood-love I've got swinging, I'm also a mother second. And I'd like to think that when Bean gets older, she will agree with that sentiment.

What would a 'Balance' look like?

Baby cuddles + housework + family free time + work out + thesis = no sleep.

Sleep + baby cuddles + housework + family free time + work out = no thesis.

Thesis + sleep + baby cuddles + housework + family free time = no work out.

Like the Unicorn and the Phoenix, I believe the Balance is a mythical creature that does not exist.

Maybe the noise it would make sounds similar to "lies". Or maybe it just laughs like a hyena. Either way, tomorrow I'm asking my husband to sketch me a picture of what it might look like.

Upon inspiration from a sign reading "Huge garage sale!", he did in fact conceptualize and draw the cutest little creature called a Huge. I would def want one.

We already know that this Balance creature must be damn cute for everyone to want it so badly...

Dream-feed defined.

Dream-feed (definition taken from my personal experience):

When you decide your baby is going to wake up soon so you pull yourself away from thesis work at 3 am (although you know you shouldn't really call it thesis work because you haven't really done anything but fool around on the Internet) and sneak quietly into the bedroom. You pull the just-starting-to-stir baby over to you gently and encourage her rooting reflex. Mouth opens, head moves around in search. Insert nipple. Baby sucks. Let-down results from sucking. Baby feeds vigorously and stops when the milk stops flowing. Baby re-enters deep sleep without ever waking. Momma slips out after a cuddle, assuring herself that now she will do at least SOME thesis work. Resumes fooling around on the Internet. Lather, rinse, repeat.

The world we live in...

What's the saying... five friends could compliment you (on your sense of humour, mad style, whatever) and one person could say something critical, and it's the critical thing that sticks in your mind? Or something like that. I know there's a similar statistic about it.

So I know it's also really easy to get down in the dumps about this world. This world with its hate, intolerance, wars, feeling devoid of warmth, general meanness to one another, SUVs killing the planet, and it goes on and on until you just want to sit in the corner of a dark room and brood (by the way, whenever I hear the word 'brood', I always picture Angel from Buffy. King of the brooders).

But this makes it all too easy to forget that this world --- and specifically, at this particular time in history in this world --- there are all kinds-of-good happening.

Something my partner and I have talked recently about (and often) in this regard is LGBT rights. The quote "we've come a long way, baby" comes to mind...

When I was in high school, I was one of the only kids in my classes that fought vehemently for same sex and same gender marriage, that gay men/gay women could raise children just as damned well as any other family out there. For my psychology class, I wrote a paper about research confirming biological origins on the side of "being gay is not a choice".

But I was one of few who (openly at least) thought this way. There were a few out gay and lesbian kids, but not many. And most of the ones who were out lacked social support.

This is so different now, in the span of only (8? 9?) years. There is Camp Aurora, for LGBT teens. Gay-Straight Alliances in schools.

Ohhh, and the media! I'm not a Glee fan personally, but I know of one episode where all the high schoolers lost their virginity. One couple consisted of two gay men. And their first times were treated with just as much respect as the straight couples' were. And this is on a national, primetime, basic cable network.

I actually remember when Roseanne kissed another woman on her show (the other woman was a lesbian, Roseanne was not, and it was just a friendly kiss) and their was So. Much. Outrage. And I remember when my favourite show ever got flack in the year 2000 for wanting to show a lesbian kiss between two important female characters in a committed and loving relationship.

Now there's The New Normal, Modern Family, and I'm sure others I'm forgetting. The part that I love the most is that in many cases (although not all) it is treated as exactly what it is--- normal.

I had a discussion with someone a couple years ago about whether we would care if our kids turned out to be gay. The other person had said that even though they are fully supportive of LGBT rights, they would not wish their child was gay simply to save them the hurt that would accompany that status. I understood that position, but I disagreed, and now I feel more adamant about it.

The times they are a-changing. There's still a long way to go, but there's so much that has improved over the past few years and it is still improving- more rapidly than ever before. I have high hopes that by the time all of my children do identify with a sexual and/or gender orientation and make that identity known, that not only will they be met with acceptance, but it will just be perfectly normal.

Like how the teen boy came out to his Dad on United States of Tara, and the Dad just basically said "cool. So, do you want to go get a burger?" (or something to that effect).

We're almost at that point! The world isn't ALL bad after all...